Greg Kretschmar

Greg Kretschmar

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Weird Things At My Mom's House...

I was at my parents house today. My Dad had a "procedure" this morning (he's fine) and I was just checking on them.

But as I was sitting there, I started noticing that my folks got some weird s*** in their house! Now, some of these may be the same kind of things you find in YOUR folks house, so if that's the case- then you know what it's like.

First thing I notice is the CANDY DISH -

This things a TWO FER! Not only do you have the 10 year old individually wrapped candies - BUTTERSCOTCH DISCS and STARLIGHT MINTS, but you get the bonus WEIRD OWL looking over em!

The candies are the same ones most find in the bottom of their grandma's purse, all stuck with lint and stuff that gathers in the bottom of the hand bag they got in 1972! haha- But- my Mom doesnt do the purse thing, so they're all neat and clean in this dish.

The owl is probably my Mom made at a craft night she went to with my sisters. Still, it's kinda odd, but all Mom's get a pass when it comes to these kind of things.

Above the candy dish, I saw THIS-

HOLY SH*T! Where are we!!!! ANCHORAGE ALASKA????? Wow! No wonder I was sweating my pinata's off!!!! Hey Winter Warlock! How bout turning down the heat juice, huh?????

Next was THIS -

Now, this I KNOW my Mom made at a craft ceramic place. I mean, clearly we're a family of Mexican American descent, and we are also a LLAMA family!!! Makes sense to me! Of course, I was totally news to me, but I'll roll with it!

One just wouldn't expect a LLAMA ceramic figure on the mantle of a woman who's maiden name is ST. LAURENT, right?

Still- it's my Mom - so she gets a pass.

But THIS.... however.....

CREEPS. ME. THE. F***. OUT!!!!!

What is this? MORDOR? Where's Billbo Friggin Baggins???? When did we become GNOME PEOPLE? Where's Gandalf, for God's sake!!!?

My folks have become KNICK KNACK PEOPLE! They collect KNICK KNACKS!

And check out the one just to the left of center near the top! IF THAT FACE DOESN'T CREEP YOU OUT, THEN YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD INSIDE!

Look, I love my Mom, but I can't even look at this table without pissing my pants!!!!

Now - as I've said - MOM gets a pass on all of it because she's my MOM, right?

But THAT table?

NOPE. NOPE. AND NOPE.

Those things will come alive at night and be crawling all over the place! They'll tie you down in your sleep and steal all your gold, or WHATEVER!

So here's my question? What weird things are in YOUR parents house?

I'd love to hear from you and who knows - maybe I'll share more in the weeks to come!

g


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